Im Old Greg in Twilight 2

After attacking the school lunch lady for telling me no alcohol in school (if Old Greg wants a glass of baileys He's gonna get it mother-licker!) I went to my Chemistry lesson... Or was it biology? At any rate it was some kinda fancy science... I'm Old Greg.
I walked in to my lesson and there I saw that Edward Cullen mother-licker, as I walked in the fan blew around my sexy sea-weed hair, judging from the look on Edwards face my beauty was too much for him and he had jizzed his pants, I should start calling him Edward Cummin... I'm Old Greg.  Lucky for him the seat next to him was the only one left in the class, he could look at my beauty all he wanted.
The whole lesson he just stared at me... like a rapist. Old Greg was feelin a little uncomfortable, but if he was gonna try and rape me then I knew how to deal with him, I would deal with him how I dealt with Curly Jefferson if he tried anything... He stared with his black eyes throughout the lesson (what kinda weirdo has black eyes), and just when I was gonna confront him the bell rang and he ran outta the room like a pink panther on speed, trying to get his next fix.
I headed towards the registration office, that lady receptionist had been givin me some dirty looks so I was gonna hurt the fuzzy little lady peach. I walked in and Edward Cummin was there.
“there must be some other lesson, anything” He asked, clearly the boy was angry at me for being so beautiful.
“I'm sorry everything else is full...” at that moment the door banged shut and Edward turned around and glared at me.
“We'll I guess I'll have to endure it then” he said as he walked out the room starring at me.
I could have run of and cried like little bitch, but instead I chose violence and Baileys, I stared at the receptionist, Pulled out a bottle of Baileys from my bag and took a big gulp of Baileys, I stared at her and cried out 'I'M OLD GREEEEEG!” and I leapt towards her.
The next morning I went back to the registration office, and I saw a new woman behind the desk.
“where's that other mother-licker?”
“She was feeling a bit off, so she signed herself in at a mental institution... she wont be back for a while” I guess I had shown that little bitch.
When I went to the cafeteria at lunch I noticed all of Edwards brothers and sisters glaring at me, and Edward was gone, good thing for him because I was gonna hurt that boy today, but he disappeared for weeks.
Eventually when he was back in my science class I had calmed myself down a bit, so I decided to let him live... I'm Old Greg.
As I sat down next to him he said
“Hello” I stared at him, wondering what this mother-licker wanted. “Forgive me for not introducing myself, I'm...”
“I know who you are boy... but you don't know me! You don't know what I've got!” as I started to pull up my tiny little skirt he said.
“Your Old Greg right?” I let go of my skirt and set it back down.
Today we had to take a look through a fancy microscope, I didn't care much for this new fancy technology, but I grabbed the lot and started to do my thing, I looked in the microscope.
“It's Baileys” Edward took the microscope and had a look for himself.
“No it's not...”
“You calling me a liar? Am I gonna have to get my friend, Bunches McGinty, ta pull your eyes out with a chup-a-cups lollipop?...I'm Old Greg” I recognized the rest of the trays easily “Baileys... This ones a Creamy Salty Beige... Baileys” I zoomed in on the tray “This one's Baileys a bit bigger...”  I zoomed in closer still “and this ones as close as you can get to Baileys without your lens getting wet... I'm Old Greg” I looked over at Edward who was amazed that not only was I a beautiful man-fish, but I was also as smart as a computer with a built in calculator. I noticed his eyes had changed colour, they were creamy today... Like Baileys... I wanted to pull his eyes out of his head and eat them.
“Did you get yourself a fancy pair of contact lenses to try and impress me mother-licker”
“No...”
“Don't Lie to me boy!”
“I'm not lying...”
at this moment the bell went and he ran outta the room again, he's a rude little man peach... but that's just how Gregory likes a man... I'm Old Greg